As featured in July 1996
Pearls of Maternal Wisdom
Passing Avice to Daughters and Granddaughters
By Wanda S. Franklin
My grandmother was a woman with endlessly endearing qualities, but the one I remember most was her special way of imparting the wisdom of her 90 years of living to me. Every morning when I greeted her and asked how she was doing, she would say, "I'm here by being careful." Or, under certain circumstances, she would tell me "It's okay to make a mistake; that's why pencils come with erasers."
But I once posed a question about why she worried about her adult children as if they were still babies, and she replied with a seriousness I have not yet forgotten. She said, "When you become a mother you will see that when your children are young, they're on your breast; when they're old, they're on your heart."
These and other powerful words of Grandma's continue to resound in my heart and mind, and wield tremendous power in my life. Like my grandmother, generations of African-American women have made a proud tradition of passing advice to their daughters and granddaughters. Through the power of their words, many mothers have enabled, encouraged, and empowered their daughters with sound practical, moral, and spiritual values necessary to become successful in their endeavors.
Through unique literary works, three African-American women celebrate the sharing of the special kind of advice and guidance only a mother can give. Their writings highlight three critical turning points in a woman's life-adolescence, young adulthood, and motherhood-and offer valuable advice to help make the transitions smoother.
Preparing Black Children for School and Life:
Pre-pregnancy Through Age Five
By Beverly A. Davis, Ph.D.
Beverly A. Davis, Ph.D. called upon her years of personal experience as a mother and educator in the public school system of Rochester, New York, in writing Preparing Black Children for School and Life: Pre-Pregnancy Through Age Five (1995, B.A. Davis and T.M Associates). This guide for parents and educators evolved from research conducted for the author's doctoral dissertation.
The book presents building blocks with age-appropriate activities and experiences that need to be taught during the five most critical years in a child's life, prior to kindergarten-1) Pre-pregnancy, 2) Prenatal, 3) Infancy, 4) Toddler, and 5) Preschool. The activities enhance the child's motor, speech, language, and social and emotional development.
"You need no college degree to teach children," she assures, "but you do need both skill and will: the skills necessary to help prepare your children for school and life, and the will to do it."
A strong warning is presented to black parents to no longer depend solely on the educational system to teach their children.
"It is essential that every black parent realize that a child's education begins at home, not at age five, and not in the classroom," Davis states. "If children receive a poor start in life and are shown little nurturing, love, and respect as human beings during the early years, once they enter school, failure will only be validated."
Davis also took a special interest in studying the content of popular nursery rhymes, lullabies, and poems. Her findings reveal that many songs and rhymes contain themes involving violence, abuse, crime, and fear, that can be counterproductive to read to children.
Who isn't familiar with the story of the old woman who lived in a shoe? In case you've forgotten, she "had so many children, she didn't know what to do. She gave them some broth without any bread; she whipped them all soundly and put them to bed."
Careful analysis of this story shows gross irresponsibility on the part of the woman and the use of spanking as an outlet for her frustrations as opposed to being a disciplinary measure.
"We all think of the silly words and the rhyme, but not the message that comes across," Davis says. In Preparing Black Children, she puts a new spin on these old tales, to promote positivity, self-esteem, and love for African-American people.
For example, the old woman in the shoe is retold as "There Was a Brown Man." He is a loving and responsible father whose children bring him joy and pride as they attend college and pursue meaningful professions:
"There was a brown man who lived in a shack. He had ten children, now that could be a fact...All ten of the children, off to college were sent. One became a great national politician. Another one worked on an African mission. One became a doctor, a surgeon of the heart. One became a scientist, because she was so smart..."
Sista Girlfren' Breaks it Down... When Mom's not Around
By Francheska Ahmed-Cawthorne
Advancing from one level of education to the next represents another milestone. Graduation from elementary to junior high school occurs as the child enters another developmental stage-adolescence. Many well-meaning mothers shower their daughters with advice about the do's and don'ts of conducting themselves as young ladies. But often, teenage girls turn a deaf ear on their mothers while opening their ears to advice from those they identify with most-their peers.
"And that's pitiful because their peers are also trying to figure life out," says Francheska Ahmed-Cawthorne, author of Sista Girlfren' Breaks it Down When Mom's Not Around (Fireside Books/Simon & Schuster, 1996, $9.00). Illustrated by cartoonist Barbara Brandon, Sista Girlfren' speaks with the wisdom of Ahmed-Cawthorne and a wit and style that reflect her young African-American audience.
In an upbeat and humorous tone, Ahmed-Cawthorne, who teaches English and Journalism at San Diego City College, talks about everything from family, homeys, and roomies to self-respect and education; from positive male/female relationships to parenthood; and to careers, health, manner of dress, and attitudes.
"After raising six daughters, advising their girlfrens', and counseling hundreds of my college students, I've come to realize you-and most girls-grow up and leave home with very few of your woman questions answered. Not because your mom wouldn't tell you, but because some things are too embarassing to ask and sometimes parents just don't understand," Ahmed-Cawthorne writes in the introduction of Sista Girlfren'. Further, she states that the character's job is to make mom and girlfriend become one, while her mission is to break things down when you need advice in the absence of your mother.
For example, on the often-perplexing subject of men, Sista Girlfren' offers this advice on knowing when to kiss your significant other or dismiss him:
"You know what keeps a man attracted to you? The way you treat him and your personality, too! Remember to say "I love you," and tell each other why. So your relationship won't go stale on you, peter out, and die."
"You say your man's a dog and he'll sleep with anything. But, Girlfren', you're still datin' him, so what are you really saying?"
My Mother Had a Dream: African-American Women Share Their Mother's Words
of Wisdom
By Tamara Nikuradse
As we live, we learn, and one thing I've learned is that in retrospect, I am deeply thankful and appreciative to my grandmother (and mother) for the guidance and advice given me through the years. Many times when I got sidetracked from the path of my goals and dreams, they were there with words of encouragement and inspiration to steady me.
African-American women of greatness, both past and present, reflect lovingly on their mothers' words of wisdom on topics such as heritage, faith, pride, perseverance, community, and achievement in My Mother Had a Dream: African-American Women Share Their Mothers' Words of Wisdom by Tamara Nikuradse (1996, Dutton, $19.95). This book is a genuine treasure, for the voices that rise from its pages sing harmoniously of the bond of sisterhood that continues to unite us throughout our generations.
"More than 100 prominent African-American women responded to the question, 'What words of wisdom or advice did your mother share with you to motivate, inspire, or help you realize your dreams?'" Nikuradse writes in the book's introduction. Some responses are excerpted as follows:
On Education:
"Knowledge is the prime need of the hour." -Mary McLeod Bethune, daughter of Patsy McIntosh McLeod. Activist and educator. From Ebony, 1955.
On Perseverance:
"Failure? I'm not ashamed to tell it, I never learned to spell it, Not failure." -Maya Angelou, daughter of Vivian Baxter. Educator and author. From her poem "Call Letters: Mrs. V.B."
On Men:
"She always said to me, 'If a man hits you, you get out as fast as you can. You leave smoke.'" -Halle Berry, daughter of Judith Berry. Actor. From Ebony, April 1993.
On Work:
"'Girls,' she would say to my sisters and me, 'pray as though everything depends on God, but work as though everything depends on you.'" -Mary Harrison, daughter of Jewel Valcina Yearwood. Associate brand manager at Revlon.
On Faith:
"One needs occasionally to stand aside from the hum and rush of human interests and passions to hear the voices of God." -Anna Julia Cooper, daughter of Hannah Stanley. Activist and educator. From A Voice from the South.
Like a string of the most precious pearls, the words of wisdom from generations of our mothers have not lost their luster. They continue to shine forth, lighting our paths as we move toward the realization of our fullest potential, our highest ambition, and the seizing of our dreams.
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